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God, I’m hungry.” Oh and you can’t get to the performing arena without wading through the casino ashtray, which leads to … WEAR SOMETHING YOU ARE WILLING TO THROW AWAY. My thought pattern during the show was, “God, they’re great. I hope my laughter drowned out my stomach growling. I was there for Martin Short and Steve Martin, who were wonderful, but I’ve seen both on a big screen TV before - and on a comfortable couch after eating dinner instead of a narrow stackable meeting chair with only a bag of potato chips from the gift store to sustain me. The front row audience is sunk below the lip of the stage and the rest have a view of the person’s head in front of them. Their builders must have carefully used a level to get it that flat. The WinStar’s? Flat as the Oklahoma plains. The performing space’s name, “Colosseum,” is particularly puzzling considering that the actual Colosseum had tiered seating back in 70 AD. I hope you take comfort in knowing that the great stars you came to see may possibly be somewhere in the same room. BE EMOTONALLY PREPARED TO WATCH THE SHOW ON A MONITOR. Our room in the new South Tower was pleasant and clean enough, but about the most miserly $300+ room imaginable.

The one ‘bar’ of soap for both the sink and shower in your room is slightly larger than a Wheat Thin.

(There is NO wine, only soft drinks and beer.) BRING YOUR OWN SOAP AND DRINKING GLASSES. Ditto for room service, which either loses orders or serves a few tepid food items and warm beer after interminable waits. BTW, the menus at all the eateries are just bizarrely limited - a handful of dishes. Only one supposedly takes reservations, and those are elusive and undependable. For those of you determined to attempt one of the two restaurants in the allegedly non-smoking hotel wing, plan to eat at 4 you have a prayer of getting a table and finishing in time for the 8 o’clock show.

So … if you were fantasizing about having a posh dinner at a Vegas-style restaurant before the show, let me pause here to laugh hysterically. The dinner line for the buffet - also in the smoky casino - seemed to stretch into Infinity. The casino has a handful of mostly small junk-food-type spots only a few feet removed from the crowded, smoke-filled, deafening, scary-dark casino and starving desperate patrons are lined up well before 6 o’clock. There’s a small, empty refrigerator in your room (no minibar) and next to nothing to eat at this gigantic facility marooned in Thackerville, OK. For others bound for the WinStar hotel/casino, particularly just to see a performance at the Colosseum, here’s the travel guide I wish I’d had: BRING YOUR OWN FOOD, BOTTLED WATER AND WINE.

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